he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
