I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need to calm my uterus...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
