Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
God, I missed his penis.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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