we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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