Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
