i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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