She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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