And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I am morally bankrupt
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
