if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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