Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
