I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
