Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize