I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
