11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
