Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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