It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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