Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
