It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
