I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize