I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
