Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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