Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
