I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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