East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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