The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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