Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
