I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
