he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
