Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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