i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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