Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
