After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
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Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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