ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
