What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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