How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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