You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
