I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
