What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I could make wine with my vomit
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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