your parents love me but you hate me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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