Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
