This girl is more easily done than said...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
