i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
