3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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