I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
