Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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