OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
