he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
