Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My dick has a subreddit
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
