You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
