I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
