chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
