Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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