i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
