you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
