it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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