I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
