It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
