careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
