awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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