Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how do flat chested girls get laid?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
