you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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