Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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