I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Randomize
