Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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