My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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