first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
