i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
