Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
