the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
