ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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