ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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