This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
