i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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