Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and she was petting her beer can
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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