if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
